My sheets look like a crime scene.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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