dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
