So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize