hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
