i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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