Michael Bay diarrhea
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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