Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
