I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Text me some of your sweat
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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