drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
