This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
