You just made me feel so damn special
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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