The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
her vagine was all disorganized.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
