Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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