can u get pink eye on your cock?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
