Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
