Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
