I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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