Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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