The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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