I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
