I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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