i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
