Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
