I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Alive.
So much puke
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
