you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
