do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
