Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
