Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You should frame my arrest warrant.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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