Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
