Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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