And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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