I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
