i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
