I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
