How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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