saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize