what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize