That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
