i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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