Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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