How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
