i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
