I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
