I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
