Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
