I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My liver just broke up with me...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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