Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
