what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
