we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
