If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
