My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
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