I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
