The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Did we literally take a cab across the street
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Your penis caused this!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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