Princesses don't give blow jobs
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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