Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
