I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
