OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Randomize
