Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
