WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Pappa wants mamma naked
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
