She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
