I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
