Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
