Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
