"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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