cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
