apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
